Triggers, into Sabotaging Explanation
are implanted by one's caregiver. A common issue taught by caregivers
is that it is okay to make a commitment and not follow through on it, and not
keep one's word. In other words, people are taught that it is okay to not
honor a commitment. If a caregiver covers for their child when they don't
honor a commitment, then they have taught the child that a commitment
doesn't mean anything. When a caregiver makes a promise to a child, and
doesn't keep it, they have taught the child that a promise doesn't
mean anything either. Thus, when one grows up, they believe that it is okay to
forget, and what comes up then, is one triggers on the person that reminds
The mechanism of the trigger works this way: when
one was promised and a caregiver's word was not kept, or the caregiver
did not make one as a child keep their word, nobody called the child on it.
Thus, because the parents/caregivers did not call the child on it, also the
school does not call the child on it, nor do the child's friends call the
child on it. For one reason or another, doesn't matter why, no one calls
the child on the fact that they do not honor their commitments. So, later on in life, when one is an
adult and someone else calls the person on their issue, then the person with
the issue triggers back to their childhood when it was done to them, how
someone else didn't keep their word and follow through on the commitment
that was made.
So, the issue is that when it was done to an individual,
that's the mechanism of issues into triggers into sabotage. Either
the issue is implanted because it was done to an individual as a child, or
something was withheld from the child, by a parent/caregiver. The issue is what
causes an individual to trigger, and when one is triggering, one automatically
goes into the reaction, into the action, which is to sabotage. Sabotaging is
when one instantly feels that anger, and then says or does something to
sabotage. Each individual sabotages differently.
of How Individuals Sabotage Differently
For examples of how individuals sabotage, when one decides
to no longer give or lend money to their children, so that they become
financially independent, and they turn around and give their child money, and
justify in their mind, and out loud, saying, "It's only a
loan." By continuing to lend the child money is sabotaging on the
parent's part because they have continued to allow the child to manipulate
the parent to give them money. Others deny and say, "I never said
that." Or they will accuse another person that, "You never said
that." Another common sabotage is, "Oh, I just forgot, I
don't know why I forgot." And also getting defensive, and
intimidating, by saying, "Okay, okay, so I messed up. I messed up again,
is that what you're saying?!"
In this case, the processing is if one gets angry and says that they
messed up first, then the other person involved won't get angry and say
Other sabotage examples are when one has already done the
action or spoken the words, and then they feel they have to confess, and they
say, "Okay, I'm admitting it. I'm being accountable, I did
it." The reason this is considered a sabotage, is because when one says
these statements, the other individual backs off, says nothing, feels guilty
for the other person that the point was brought up, so they don't say
anything else, and then the person with the issue wins once again; their issue
in this situation is manipulation. Another way to sabotage, through
manipulation, is to beat around the bush; this action is done to get
one's way, and not look like they are. An example of how people lead into
the manipulation is starting the conversation with, "So, are you busy
tomorrow?" Or, "Do you have plans for tomorrow?" Or, "I
was just thinking, I could be wrong." Or, "I don't want to be
a nuisance." Or, "I know you're busy, so maybe I should go
The trigger is, to sabotage, with whoever it is that the
statement/s are being said to, is for the other person to respond, "To
hell with this, I don't need this crap." Where the one that is
busy manipulating could simply get to the point and just say what it is that
they want to say. Reason being, for the person that is being subjected to
someone else's manipulation issue, they are being positioned, and no one
likes to be positioned, manipulated, or set up. The reason why people beat
around the bush is that, the issue is that they are assuming that the other person is
going to say "no" And the person with the issue is triggering
before the other person gets the chance to respond, "yes" or "no." Thus, that is the reason why the person does not hear the
To further illustrate, the issue is writing the script.
The trigger is the sabotage of not hearing the response. The person continues
stating their case, and then the other person has to say, "Stop talking,
I said yes. Why do you continue talking? Why do you continue justifying?
Therefore, the understanding of how to no longer be manipulative, and work
through this issue, is to be forthcoming. What is the worst thing that anyone
could say? "No."
Another common issue is when one makes jokes at
inappropriate times during conversation. This comes from childhood, making
jokes helped to not feel the pain, the joking around is a mask. By joking at
inappropriate times, then the individual does not bring up the issue and does
not let it go; this is a mask that people wear where when they don't want
others to see who and what they are, assuming that others are not going to like
what they are going to see. One also believes that if they appear funny, that
everyone will like them. When in reality, when someone makes a joke, others may
laugh and even find it funny, however, it does not mean that the person is
liked. If a person is liked or disliked, people need to know one another well
to make that decision.
Wearing a humor mask also means that there is something
bothering that person, they are not facing something, whatever the underlying
issue is, it isn't being addressed. When one makes an inappropriate joke
or even does that nervous laugh, whatever is being said at that time, the
laughter or joking stops all of the information from coming in. When an issue
comes up that makes individuals uncomfortable, nervousness comes into play.
is important for people to understand to not feel as though they are being
singled out, and to go away with feeling bad, because that would be
inappropriate. Reason being, in spiritual counseling, addressing issues is
always spoken with love, compassion, and only truth.
Importance of Being Forthcoming When Addressing Issues
In addressing issues, what is extremely important, is to
be forthcoming, if one is not, then they are doing the opposite, which is
hiding. Denying what happened or what was said does not mean that it never
happened, or that the issue is not happening. The worst part of denying and
hiding from an issue, is that it always comes out, and then the person has to
address it, and eat crow.One could
have instead been forthcoming, addressed their issue, and worked through it,
without going through hiding, denying, not being honest with them self, and
feeling uncomfortable when the issue comes to surface.
When one is not being honest with them self, by changing a
word here and there, does not make the issue any different. Then eventually
when the negative happens, of course it will be found out. And then that is
when the person finally is open to addressing the issue and says the words always start the same way, "I can't
believe that I got sucked in again." Or, "Why didn't I
believe you?" Or "Why didn't I listen to you?" Or,
"Why didn't you make me listen?" Or, the person does not talk
about it at all.
When an individual, during childhood, was not liked,
loved, or treated with compassion, or affection, then they are starving for it.
One will do anything in the world to get what they did not receive as a child
from their parents/caregivers. These issues are implanted when not given what
is needed during childhood: starving for love, affection, acknowledgement, and
that when one feels threatened if one did anything, then they trigger, and they
will do anything to make the other person like them. That is the trigger
mechanism. The mechanism of the automatic reaction into the sabotage, and the
feeling one gets is anger, and one becomes defensive.
to Know When One is Triggering
When one starts getting angry, and becomes defensive, and
starts justifying why one is feeling what they are feeling, is when one is
triggering. Then that automatic mechanism kicks in. For instance, if something
is said that is not negative and there is absolutely no reason for anyone to
get upset or embarrassed about, and then they get angry, shout, and they are
going to be angry with the one who is there, they will lash out, or say
something that has nothing to do with the conversation. By getting angry and
lashing out, and becoming defensive, is sabotaging. The end result is that the
person that was subjected to the other person triggering says, "You know
what, I don't want to get sucked in to this, I'm not walking down
this path with you." Or, "This conversation is over."
Everything in Life Must Be Taught, Including How to Show Love
Furthermore, if one does not grow up in an environment
where there is demonstrative love, affection, hugging, and kissing, then these
actions do not come naturally and they must be learned as adults. It is common
for some individuals to feel uncomfortable with showing how one feels, as well
as, hugging and kissing, often because as children they were reprimanded for
showing and verbalizing emotions. For example parents say, "You know that
is just not the right thing to do."
This is not to say that individuals’ parents do not
love them, because most often they do. Simply, they never demonstrated the
love, and thus, being demonstrative may make some people uncomfortable, until
learning how to show love. In fact, learning how to show love, and be
demonstrative does not come naturally in children. The only things that
children know how to do automatically from birth are how to breathe and how to
relieve them self, even eating needs to be taught.
One Feels Anger, Annoyance, or Yucky Feelings, and Afterwards Realizes That
There Was No Fair Reason for Getting Upset, That It Was Not Justified
When one gets angry over something that is not justified,
for instance, someone else’s feelings, thoughts, actions, a movie, or
anything else that does not directly affect an individual, then this means one
is triggering and going into the sabotage. Commonly, when an individual gets
upset over how someone else thinks, feel, or acts, and does not understand why
the other person is in the negative state of mind, then the one that gets upset
is manipulating the other, reason being they feel bad for not understanding,
and so they get defensive to try to get out of that uncomfortable feeling.
What You Say, and Say What You Mean
Often conflicts and/or misunderstandings occur based on
the statement, "You can't be feeling like that, that's not
what I meant. " It is essential to understand that when communicating,
one must always, says what they mean, and mean what they say. There is no room
to make excuses when one takes something the wrong way. When one takes
another's words as they were said, in the literal meaning, is logical;
while, to expect another person to read their mind and know what the other
person meant to say is unfair an illogical.
Usually the person that took the other person’s
statement at its literal meaning is the one that gets attacked, and this is the
unfairness. When one reacts or responds to what another person actually says,
rather than reacting to what the other person meant to say or do, and the other
person does not like the way the other person responds, then the one who did
not communicate what they meant denies their actions or what they said. What
happens is then the person will come up with another meaning, as just about
anything that is said can have several meanings, so the one who responds to the
literal meaning is, "damned if they do, and damned if they
When one is triggering, and is not in a positive state of
mind, then regardless of how one reacts to the other person's statement,
it will always be blown out of proportion. A common response would be,
"Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant. Don't take it that way.
Why do you take everything so seriously? That was a joke. ” And then,
goodness forbid, if the person were to take it as a joke, then the person
triggering would respond the opposite, "Why do you take everything as a
joke, you know I was being serious."
So, no matter which way a statement is taken, the one who
is not triggering is wrong according to the other person’s state of mind.
When one is triggering, and going into the reaction of sabotaging, then they
need a "Fix." When one needs a fix, their state of mind is that
they have to put them self into a position, to annoy someone, along with who
ever else is in the room, because who ever else is in the room gets it, so that
they will get angry. A fix could be name-calling, degrading, condescending,
reprimanding, yelling, and being verbally abusive. Also, another way of getting
a fix is doing or saying things to try to get physically abused.
When one begins to become empowered, learning what not to
do and say, so as not to get verbally or physically abused is the first step
toward emotional independence. If one is physically abused, and the body does
not heal, then it is impossible to begin addressing what is in the mind, to
begin emotional healing. When one wants to begin healing, fear must be
addressed. For those that are physically abused, they first must be taught to
overcome their fear of what would happen if they do not go home, and
instead be afraid to go home, as
whichever of the two fears is greatest wins. The path to emotional independence
begins by learning to realize that no one deserves to be abused.
As one develops strength and courage
through consistently using the Tools, then they are able to overcome their
fears of an abuser and that is when one is able to get out of the abusive
environment, as their desire to not go home is greater.
one does not let go of something in their past that they are ashamed of, then
they will never move forward. By not letting go prevents individuals from being
happy. When one has something in their past that they are ashamed of, then they
never allow them self to be happy, because they are holding on to that shame.
of shame can be triggered by a situation, scent, sound, picture, song, etc.
When one is triggering, feelings of anger, being offended, embarrassed,
ashamed, and getting that yucky feeling, and then beginning to justify, those
reactions are all signs that one is triggering. If one has that anger, feels
offended, and embarrassed, and that someone has shamed them, one must say out
loud, "I am triggering, I am triggering, oooookay.
I am not going to make any decisions right now, I'm not going to say
anything, and I am not going to justify. I have no clue why I am
one knows once they are triggering, then it is important to write in their
emotional journey, "I am triggering right now and I don't know why.
What is going on?" And each individual must go over what is happening in
their life at the time. It may be in one's personal life, or it could be
connected to one's business life. It is very important to understand
triggering, and when one is in that state of mind.
feels exactly the same way while they are triggering. The physical and
emotional experience while one is triggering, the clicking of going into
sabotaging, is the same for all individuals. Now how one sabotages, everyone is
different in that aspect. Everyone has their own unique way of how someone on
the outside would see that they are triggering, because all individuals walk
down a different path and manifest differently when they are triggering,
because people have different people in their lives.
is the same is that one will always subject others to our triggering, and
always subject the people that will forgive. Gender, age, child, and adults all
trigger into sabotaging in the same manner.
Another Person is Triggering, How to Turn the Switch Off, To Not Feel Their
Pain, and to Not Allow it to be Draining
the more spiritual an individual becomes, the more empathy one develops. Thus,
when in the presence of another person that is triggering, picking up the pain
that is within an individual is intense. By being aware that the person is
triggering and making the statement, "I will not take emotional
responsibility of this person's actions." This will help to not
feel the pain, nor to become drained as a result while in the company of
someone that is triggering. When one is empathic and is in the presence of
someone triggering, one has to block the empathic feelings. Keep in mind that
when one is triggering, they are agitated, angry, and denying whatever they are
feeling and processing at the time.
a person is triggering, whoever happens to be around that person gets it. The
one triggering is angry and needs a "fix." At times it is necessary
to put that person in their place, to let the person know point blank what it
is they are doing or saying. What sometimes is necessary to do is to bring the
truth to the attention of the person that is triggering, without having fear of
how they will react to the truth. Being aware is what takes the longest, once
one is aware of their issue, and when they are triggering, then as it comes up,
one is able to work through it, and overcome the issue, one at a time, until it
is no longer a button within.